Lose the Tude: Could Black Women Benefit From a Little Less Attitude?

One day, after picking my son up from school and getting settled in the car he asked, “Mommy, why are black girls so mean?” Needless to say I was flabbergasted and had to take a moment to ponder my response to this inquiry. Then it suddenly donned on me, “I’m black and I don’t have attitude” and so many other women in my son’s life are happy and successful black women. So, I figured I would begin by asking him if all black women he knew were mean. He said no to all the women I presented as examples of “nice” black women. I then proceeded to tell him about stereotypes and how we shouldn’t make generalizations about any race.

Shortly after, I pulled into McDonalds to grab a quick bite to eat before heading off to church. “Hello, hello…take your order!” A loud voice acrimoniously boomed from the speaker near the first window. I proceeded to give my order at the menu with a flashing screen documenting my dinner. As I drove around to the first window…what did I see, a Sista staring back at me with a look of disgust as though I had just ruined her day. Never mind that [she] was at work and [she] chose her current profession. At that moment I felt like a real bother to this woman. Now I know that McDonalds isn’t the best job a person can have and that she probably just didn’t feel like working that day. So I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, smiled and told her “Have a nice day.”

What is my point? My point is that black women with attitude are becoming a topic that men seem to mention over and over again! They are always asking me why I’m “so nice” and “always smiling” as though all black women are nagging, frowned faced, and unpleasant. I have noticed however, that black women tend to be a bit more “tell it like it is” than most. Is that why black men seem to be gravitating toward women outside of their race to find a mate? This reminds me of a specific conversation that I had just recently with a young black man that went something like this, “black women are so uptight, (non black) women know how to have fun and are more free to go along with what I want to do.” Brother, if you think I’m uptight just because I won’t come to your house late at night, after knowing you for only one week, then maybe you should seek the companionship of a --- woman! I mean, I don’t have any reservations concerning any woman, no matter her race, but why do black men seem to lump all black women into one category? Yes, there are some Sistas out there who have attitude, and maybe some days I do have one myself, but that doesn’t mean it’s who we are or who I am.

Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride [goeth] before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

The bible suggests that attitude is inspired by pride and that pride comes before a fall. I agree that maybe there is a connection here. We have definitely fallen from view beside successful black men in the media. If you look at television today there are so many black males who have married outside of their race; Dr. Dre, Tiger Woods, Ronde and Tiki Barber, Michael Jordan, Tae Diggs, to name a few. I don’t believe that this is entirely our fault but I do think that it is a trend.

On another note, it does concern me that young boys already have that impression of us and I’m not sure where it’s coming from but I know it has to end here. Our young girls need to be taught how to treat others in a respectful manner if they don’t already know. Attitude, i.e. snapping of the fingers, twisting the neck, and sashaying of the hips, can make them feel older, but what it is really doing is setting a lasting impression on black boys who eventually become men. I’m not saying that it’s all our fault black women; I think we are naturally strong and independent. However, I do desire a man who can take charge and still show respect. But, as far as attitude is concerned, I can only speak for myself, looking sassy and proud isn’t attracting any black men these days and apparently not any little boys either.